Gay Marriage = Gay Parenting

Did you ever play the game Jeopardy? You know the game. One person states an answer and the others tries to guess what is the question. Sometimes playing a simple game like this can prove a point. I bet if you ask anyone, no matter their age, race, conservative , liberal straight or gay etc..., they will all come up with the same answer. Here goes...

“Its main purpose to many is the raising of children. It is the institution were one starts a family.”

Yes, I could go on and say, “its the joining of two soles”, etc.. Most likely, after the word family, one of the players would be able to “buzz in” with the appropriate response. What is MARRIAGE!!!

Why, do you suppose this answer is so universal? Marriage and the raising of children have always been inexplicably tied together. That is why it is imperative for all GLBT parents to take the fight against gay marriage as an assault on our families. Moreover, the fight for gay marriage is the fight for gay parenting. If you doubt what I am saying, just listen to the rhetoric of some of the leading opponents of gay marriage.

In 2005, President George Bush said, "I believe children can receive love from gay couples, but the ideal is — and studies have shown that the ideal is where a child is raised in a married family with a man and a woman." The President easily states “studies have shown”. It is wrong that statements such as this go unchallenged by the main stream media. In the media there are often claims that GLBT headed households are a new phenomenon. But strangely enough there have already been extensive studies of this new phenomenon showing the long term effects of gay parenting. (Most of these so called studies are from children raised in broken homes where a parent comes out late in life. Compare those families to families headed by divorced heterosexuals and there is no statistical difference on how children turn out). In truth, studies show that children do best in married families. The fact that these married families are headed by one man and one woman is because same sex marriage is not legal. Newer studies are coming out showing that children brought up in homes headed by same sex parents, since birth, where a couple chose to adopt, or had children via IVF or surrogacy, etc.; these children do just as well if not better than children raised by straight parents. My point is simple, when arguing against gay marriage the president attempts to subtly transform the issue into gay parenting. The media by not questioning the president, appears to agree that heterosexual couples raise better children.

Another vocal opponent of gay marriage, James Dobson of Focus on the Family, wrote an article explaining why same sex marriage is wrong entitled Same Sex Marriage and Civil Unions, “The optimal environment for raising a child is one in which the child's mother and father are married to each other. Deliberately depriving a child of a mother or a father is not in the child's best interest and is never compassionate. But this is what every same-sex family does for the sole purpose of fulfilling adult desire.” Dobson is against gay parenting as much as gay marriage. Again, the attack on one is the attack on the other.

The debate over gay marriage has once again crept into presidential politics. Sometimes it is hard to determine exactly what each candidate is arguing against, gay marriage or gay parenting. Senator Brownback, on the Senate floor arguing against gay marriage stated, “Government registers and endorses marriage between a man and a woman in order to insure a stable environment for the raising and nurturing of children. Social science on this matter is conclusive: Children need both a mom and a dad.”

On Mitt Romney's web site he discusses gay marriage as follows, “But marriage is not solely for adults. Marriage is also for children. In fact, marriage is principally for the nurturing and development of children. The children of America have the right to have a father and a mother.... What should be the ideal for raising a child: not a village, not “parent A” and “parent B,” but a mother and a father. ...Same sex marriage doesn’t hurt my marriage, or yours. But it may affect the development of children and thereby future society as a whole.” This is an attack on our families. Did you ever wonder what politicians are expressing without actually vocalizing it. Let me help Mr. Romney. I am against gay marriage because I am against gay parenting. Isn't that what Mitt and the others are saying?

One may note that the above people are all conservative in their politics. The Democrats too fall far short of endorsing gay marriage. Moreover, they leave their position on gay parenting as elusive as a game of Three Card Monte. In an article in the New York Times dated July 8, 2006, “Senator Clinton supports full equality for people in committed relationships, including health insurance, life insurance and pensions, and hospital visitation and believes we have to keep working to reach those goals,'' said Jennifer Hanley, a spokeswoman for Mrs. Clinton.” In this and numerous similar statements Hillary has never expressed the equal benefits or responsibilities for the raising of children. One would expect that since one of the primary functions of marriage is the raising of children, and that Hillary is for giving all the same rights and responsibilities of marriage to same sex couples she would at least mention the children. Moreover, in an article dated 7/8/06 in the San Fransisco Chronicle, Ms. Clinton explicitly states, “Children are better off if they have a mother and a father.''

According to his campaign, Senator Barack Obama, D-Ill., also supports civil unions "that give gay couples full rights, including the right to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, the right to equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to traditional married couples, and the same property rights as anyone else." Here again another well educated attorney chooses his words carefully. In his discussion of civil unions the word children never enters into the discussion.

Marriage is about the raising of children. Civil unions are about appeasing the consciences of the mainstream and not about doing something positive for gay people. Most democratic candidates clearly express that they do not discriminate against GLBT people, "I am for civil unions". However, civil unions as being separate and apart from marriage can never be equal to marriage. When Plessy v. Ferguson was overturned by Brown v. Board of Education the Supreme Court spoke clearly that separate is not equal. Children of families headed by GLBT families deserve to feel equal to that of other children in married families. Being in a civil union family is no different than a state sanctioned second class family. I can only imagine the psychological effect that might have on our children. How can Clinton, Obama and others claim to be champions of children's rights and demean an entire class of children? Civil unions are a political compromise that comes at the expensive of our children.

It should be clear that the fight against gay marriage is in fact a fight against our family. It is a fight against gay parenting in general. This attack is coming strongly and clearly from the right and subtly even from the left. We as gay parents should not sit down and watch others in power determine the future of our families. Our children deserve better from us. It is time for us to be visible. Be heard not just in our own community but in the straight communities. We as a community spend numerous hours and hundreds maybe even thousands of dollars on legal fees in order for us to have the necessary health care proxy, wills, power of attorney forms etc. If we only spent as much time and energy on protesting and pushing our politicians to advance gay marriage, our children might truly live in a fair, free, and just society. A society where discrimination is a distant memory not a reality.